What Is Self Advocacy and Why Does It Matter?
Often, I come across individuals that express having difficulty in caring or advocating for themselves as it’s something they never accustomed to doing. They took the approach of caring and advocating for others. Over time this creates a disconnect that person becomes aware of and in some cases can even lead to the development of resentments. There are various reasons for individuals caring more for others rather than themselves, for example: cultural beliefs, low self-esteem, co-dependency, secondary gains, etc. Regardless of the reason(s) a healthier balance would be one where you care and advocate for self while having the option of caring and advocating for others as you deem appropriate.
A Simple Definition of Self Advocacy
Let’s use a working definition for the purposes of this article to additionally explain the topic. According to the APA Dictionary of Psychology (2020) self-advocacy is: “the process by which people make their own choices and exercise their rights in a self-determined manner. For people with developmental and other disabilities, for example, self-advocacy might entail making informed decisions about what services to accept, reject, or insist be altered.”
Focusing on the part where it says “in a self-determined manner”, it suggest the idea of our intention being motivated in a specific manner, wanting a specific outcome to occur. At face value it may seem like an “easy” thing to do however it begins with the desire and interest to make changes. Before the desire we have awareness or recognition for change. We all have the right to make own choices and express them however at times the idea of “deserving” comes into play.
Why You Struggle with Self Advocacy
The interesting thing is that most people probably know the benefit in self-advocating however still have a hard time following through with implementing it consistently in their life. This hesitation should be considered to let us know how to move beyond it.
Many individuals develop patterns of people-pleasing or begin masking parts of themselves to avoid discomfort, similar to what is explored in .
The Impact of People-Pleasing Behavior
Caring for others becomes the default. Over time, this can shift from a choice to an expectation, and eventually to an internal pressure that feels difficult to break. “At times, what prevents us from advocating for ourselves is the mask we present to others, one that was developed to protect us but now limits our expression.” https://revivethrivecounseling.com/mask-and-shadow-psychology/
Low Self-Esteem and Feeling “Undeserving”
The idea of “deserving” is not part of the definition but its easy to see how one would want to add it as a reason for advocating or not for themselves. As previously suggested, this is a starting point to learning and implement self-advocacy.
Cultural and Learned Beliefs About Putting Others First
In many cases, these patterns are not random. They are learned, reinforced, and at times even praised, making it harder to recognize when they begin to work against us.
The Hidden Cost of Not Advocating for Yourself
If through life you carried the perspective of not being “valuable” enough or not making enough of an “impact” in a person’s life or the world, self-advocacy can assist in developing a more grounded view of self.
Emotional Disconnection and Internal Conflict
Over time this creates a disconnect that person becomes aware of. That awareness can feel uncomfortable because it highlights the difference between who you are and how you have been showing up.
The Development of Resentment Over Time
In some cases, this disconnect can even lead to the development of resentments. These resentments are not random, they are signals.
Over time, this can lead to emotional buildup, making it important to explore processes like .
Losing Your Sense of Identity and Self-Worth
When your focus consistently remains on others, your own identity, needs, and preferences can begin to fade into the background.
Redefining “Deserving” in Self Advocacy
It’s important to consider what defines us as deserving or undeserving to know as objective as possible where we stand. What if we don’t even know the specific reasons for thinking we are undeserving? What if our definition is too broad and considers limitations of ours that have little to nothing to do with your true value?
Where Your Definition of Deserving Comes From
Our beliefs around deserving often come from past experiences, cultural influences, and internalized messages.
Challenging Limiting Beliefs About Self-Worth
This is where I would recommend redefining “deserving” so that you specify the “criteria” for meeting it or not. If you don’t meet this specific criterion then we can easily move past it.
Creating Clear Criteria for Self Value
If you meet it, you still have a few more steps to say “I am undeserving”. However, with that said no one ever really gets there despite a person’s willingness to be defined as undeserving.
How to Start Practicing Self Advocacy
Remembering your worth and value is an essential ingredient to advocating for yourself. I know you may feel like you are coming across as outspoken, entitled or confident however these are mainly discomforting feelings you are projecting and not actually true although some may be true and not a bad thing.
Recognizing Your Needs Without Guilt
Getting comfortable with using your voice regardless of what others think, feel or judge you as.
Using Your Voice Even When It Feels Uncomfortable
Other’s thoughts and feelings of you have nothing to do with you and are just towards you. Learning to communicate your needs effectively can dramatically increase advocacy, the impact of expressing self and self worth. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644
Setting Boundaries and Saying No
Being comfortable with saying no and that being sufficient for you goes a long way.
Fear of speaking up is often tied to the fear of failure, but when we begin reframing it as feedback, it becomes easier to take action as discussed in .
Self Advocacy and Self-Worth: Changing Your Internal Narrative
No one’s opinion of you must become your reality. Your opinion of you is of the most importance. We are what we think we are and because of this it’s necessary to make ourselves be and feel first in our lives.
Your Opinion of Yourself vs. Others’ Opinions
Other people may not understand your reasons, and that does not automatically make them invalid.
Understanding What Is “About You” vs. “Toward You”
Once you remember to consistently question whether something is about you or toward you, it will help keep focus on yourself and the present.
Learning Self Advocacy Through Others
Often, I will suggest people seek out a person they believe to express healthy and appropriate self-advocacy behaviors and to educate themselves more about the individual.
Identifying Healthy Role Models
Work to understand how that person functions and how they became to be the person they are today.
What You Can Learn from Their Experiences
Consider any limiting experiences they may have had and how they approached it, overcame it and what they learned from the experience.
Turning Awareness into Action
From that moment forward it was just another tool they could use whenever and however they wanted because they knew its power.
Making Self Advocacy a Daily Practice
Self-advocating “normalizes” some of the social aspects that seem like are wrong or inappropriate but are aspects that are means of meeting needs and wants.
Small Everyday Moments to Speak Up
Just like saying you didn’t like the food you ordered at a restaurant when prior to allowing yourself to advocate you would have remained quiet.
Normalizing Discomfort When Advocating for Yourself
Being comfortable with discomfort is part of the process.
Why You Are Worth Advocating For
You are worth it, you just need to make a daily custom to nurture your value and one of the ways is through self-advocacy.
Thank you for taking the time to read. I look forward to chatting with you soon.
