Part 2: Understanding What Your Behaviors Are Trying to Tell You
The CBT ABC Model Behavior component helps us better understand what we do after emotions appear. Continuing from our previous article, “The ABC Model: The Questions We Ask Ourselves Shape Who We Become,” we explored the importance of identifying and understanding our emotions. After all, if we don’t know what we are feeling, it becomes difficult to understand why we are feeling it. https://revivethrivecounseling.com/questions-we-ask-ourselves/
But there is another piece of the puzzle that deserves attention.
What do we do once those emotions show up?
This is where the CBT ABC Model can provide valuable insight.
One of the foundational principles of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is that emotions can be difficult to change directly. Rather than attempting to force ourselves to feel differently, CBT often focuses on understanding the thoughts and behaviors connected to those emotions.
While thoughts and emotions tend to receive most of the attention, behavior may be one of the most revealing aspects of our experience.
Why?
Because behavior often tells us what we are trying to accomplish emotionally.
A Brief Review of the CBT ABC Model
The CBT ABC Model consists of three components:
A – Antecedents
Events, situations, or experiences that occur before a reaction.
B – Behaviors
The actions, responses, and coping strategies that follow.
C – Consequences
The outcomes that result from those behaviors.
In our previous article, we explored emotional awareness and understanding our experiences more clearly. For this article, I would like to focus primarily on the behavioral component of the model because it is often where some of our greatest insights can be found.
Behavior Is Usually Trying to Help
When people think about behaviors that create difficulties in their lives, they often approach them from the perspective of right versus wrong.
Healthy versus unhealthy.
Good versus bad.
While there may be value in those distinctions, I believe there is a more important question to ask first:
What is the behavior trying to do for you?
Take a moment and really think about that.
Most behaviors do not randomly appear.
More often than not, they serve a purpose.
Avoidance may be attempting to protect you from anxiety.
Withdrawal may be attempting to protect you from disappointment.
People-pleasing may be attempting to protect a relationship.
Overthinking may be attempting to protect you from uncertainty.
Even behaviors that create difficulties often begin as attempts to help us manage discomfort.
This does not necessarily mean the behavior is effective.
It simply means there is usually a reason for it.
Before Changing a Behavior, Understand It
One of the challenges I frequently encounter is that people often want to eliminate a behavior before understanding it.
They want to stop avoiding.
Stop worrying.
Stop procrastinating.
Stop people-pleasing.
Stop withdrawing.
These goals are understandable.
However, imagine removing a smoke detector from your home because you are tired of hearing it go off.
The sound is frustrating.
The sound is uncomfortable.
But what if the sound is attempting to communicate something important?
Behavior can function in a similar way.
It can serve as a messenger.
The question then becomes:
What Is the Message?
- What is this behavior attempting to accomplish?
- What is it protecting you from?
- What would happen if the behavior wasn’t there?
- What would you have to experience directly?
Sometimes the answers to these questions reveal more than the behavior itself.
The Behavioral Questions of the CBT ABC Model
When using the CBT ABC Model, many people naturally focus on what happened before the emotional reaction.
While understanding antecedents is important, it is equally important to examine what happens afterward.
Think about a recent situation that created an emotional reaction.
Consider the following questions:
What Happens After the Antecedent?
- How do you feel immediately after it occurs?
- What thoughts begin showing up?
- Do you notice physical sensations such as tension, trembling, nausea, restlessness, or a racing heart?
- How do you react?
- Does your mood change afterward?
- Are there certain people who seem to make the situation more difficult?
- Are there individuals who help make the experience more manageable?
The goal is not to judge the behavior.
The goal is to understand it.
Awareness often comes before change.
What Happens If You Don’t Engage in the Behavior?
This may be one of the most important questions you can ask yourself.
Imagine that you did not avoid.
Imagine that you did not seek reassurance.
Imagine that you did not withdraw.
Imagine that you did not overthink.
Imagine that you did not become defensive.
What would happen?
More specifically:
What do you believe would happen?
Often the answer reveals the very thing the behavior is attempting to protect you from.
Perhaps it is:
- Rejection
- Embarrassment
- Failure
- Disappointment
- Loss
- Uncertainty
- Insecurity
The behavior is often less important than the fear underneath it.
And once we begin understanding that fear, we can start working directly with what is actually driving the behavior.
Behavior as Information Rather Than a Problem
One of the reasons I appreciate the CBT ABC Model is that it encourages curiosity.
Many people become frustrated with themselves because they continue engaging in the same behaviors despite knowing those behaviors are not helping.
They may ask themselves:
“Why do I keep doing this?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why can’t I just stop?”
While understandable, these questions often create criticism rather than understanding.
A different approach might be:
“What is this behavior trying to communicate?”
When we begin viewing behavior as information rather than evidence of something being wrong with us, our perspective can shift dramatically.
We stop fighting ourselves.
We start understanding ourselves.
And understanding tends to create opportunities for change that criticism rarely does.
Reflection Questions
Take a moment to think about a recent emotional experience.
Ask yourself:
- What happened before the emotion appeared?
- What emotion did you experience?
- What did you do next?
- What was your behavior attempting to accomplish?
- What was it trying to protect you from?
- What happened as a result of that behavior?
- Did the behavior help you move toward the life you want or away from it?
There are no right or wrong answers.
Approach these questions with curiosity.
Sometimes the goal is not to immediately change a behavior.
Sometimes the goal is simply to understand it.
Thank you for taking the time to be curious. I am ready to know your thoughts on Part 2 of the CBT ABC Model.
