At one point or another, many of us have probably experienced the deflection defense mechanism without ever realizing it. We may have changed the subject during a difficult conversation, made a joke when someone asked us a personal question, redirected the attention toward another person’s experiences, or immediately began trying to solve a problem instead of simply experiencing what we were feeling. To most of us, these moments seem ordinary. We may simply tell ourselves, “That’s just how I am.” But what if there is more occurring beneath the surface than we realize?
Have you ever noticed yourself emotionally leaving a conversation before physically leaving it?
One of the more fascinating aspects of being human, in my opinion, is that our minds are constantly working behind the scenes. They are taking in information, comparing it to previous experiences, attempting to predict outcomes, and making adjustments they believe will help preserve our emotional and psychological well-being. Much of this occurs outside of our conscious awareness. We don’t wake up each morning deciding which thoughts to avoid or which emotions to redirect. Yet somehow our minds often make those decisions for us.
Perhaps this is one of the reasons defense mechanisms exist.
Understanding the Deflection Defense Mechanism
Since we are going to spend some time exploring this topic together, I believe it would be helpful for us to have a working definition that we can refer back to throughout the article.
The deflection defense mechanism is a psychological process in which our attention shifts away from thoughts, emotions, or experiences that feel uncomfortable and toward something that feels psychologically safer. Sometimes this shift is obvious, while other times it happens so naturally that we never recognize it occurring.
Unlike denial, which often involves rejecting or refusing to accept reality, deflection may fully recognize reality while simply redirecting our attention away from it. If you have not yet read our article on the Denial Defense Mechanism, it may be helpful because these two defense mechanisms often appear similar on the surface while functioning quite differently underneath, https://revivethrivecounseling.com/denial-defense-mechanism/
This difference may seem subtle.
I believe it is anything but.
Does the Deflection Defense Mechanism Change Reality?
I would propose that the deflection defense mechanism does not actually change reality.
Instead, it changes where our attention rests.
Think about that for a moment.
Reality remains exactly where it is.
The conversation remains exactly where it is.
The emotion remains exactly where it is.
Only our attention moves.
In many ways, I believe this may be one of the clearest ways to understand deflection.
Consider standing quietly beside a calm body of water. As you begin looking into your reflection, something catches your attention that feels uncomfortable. Perhaps it is sadness. Perhaps disappointment. Maybe insecurity, guilt, fear, or vulnerability. Before you have enough time to remain with what you are seeing, your attention drifts somewhere else.
A bird flies overhead.
Leaves begin falling nearby.
A thought enters your mind.
Someone starts talking.
The reflection never disappeared.
The water never changed.
You simply stopped looking.
I sometimes wonder how often this occurs throughout our daily lives without us ever recognizing it.
What Is the Deflection Defense Mechanism Really Protecting?
Whenever I discuss defense mechanisms with individuals, one question frequently comes to mind.
What exactly is being defended?
It is an interesting question because it immediately shifts our attention away from judging ourselves and toward understanding ourselves.
Perhaps that is where healing often begins.
Instead of asking,
“Why do I keep deflecting?”
Maybe we begin asking,
“What is my mind trying to protect me from?”
For one person, the answer may be shame.
For another, fear of rejection.
Someone else may be protecting themselves from disappointment, guilt, embarrassment, or the possibility of feeling emotionally exposed.
Although the experiences differ, the purpose often remains remarkably similar.
Protection.
Our minds generally do not create patterns of behavior without believing they serve some purpose. Whether those reasons remain helpful today is another question entirely, but I believe most defense mechanisms begin with the intention of preserving our emotional well-being rather than interfering with it.
When Protection Becomes Habit
One of the more interesting realities about being human is that we often continue doing something long after the original reason for doing it has disappeared.
Perhaps this is true for defense mechanisms as well.
The child who learned vulnerability was unsafe may become the adult who changes the subject whenever emotions arise.
The person who was frequently criticized may quickly redirect attention away from themselves before someone else has the opportunity to do it first.
Someone who once learned to survive by focusing on everyone else’s needs may eventually lose sight of their own.
These responses do not make someone weak.
If anything, they demonstrate just how adaptable the human mind truly is.
The question is not whether your mind adapted.
The question is whether those adaptations continue serving the life you want to live today.
Curiosity Creates Possibility
One thing I have learned over the years is that curiosity often accomplishes what criticism cannot.
If we constantly judge ourselves for deflecting, we may never understand why it developed in the first place.
Curiosity slows us down.
It invites us to observe rather than immediately react.
Instead of asking,
“Why am I like this?”
perhaps ask,
“I wonder what part of me feels the need to look away right now?”
Notice that this question does not assume something is wrong with you.
It simply assumes there is a reason.
One worth understanding rather than avoiding.
Interestingly enough, this same sense of curiosity can help us in many areas of life. In our article, Does Failure Exist?, we discuss how approaching our experiences with curiosity instead of fear can often create opportunities for growth that might otherwise be overlooked.
Becoming More Aware Without Becoming More Critical
Sometimes people assume that recognizing a defense mechanism means they should immediately stop using it.
I don’t believe that is necessarily true.
Awareness does not exist to criticize us.
It exists to help us better understand ourselves.
The more we understand why our minds developed certain ways of protecting us, the greater our ability becomes to decide whether those protections continue serving us today.
That is very different from forcing ourselves to change.
Understanding almost always comes before meaningful change. Here is another perspective on deflection, https://www.verywellmind.com/deflection-as-a-defense-mechanism-7152445
Questions for Reflection
As you finish reading, I invite you to spend a few moments reflecting on these questions.
- Have you noticed yourself changing the subject when conversations become emotionally uncomfortable?
- Where does your attention usually go when vulnerability begins to surface?
- What emotions seem the most difficult to remain with?
- What do you imagine might happen if you stayed with those emotions just a little longer?
- If your deflection had a voice, what do you think it would say it has been protecting?
Final Thoughts on the Deflection Defense Mechanism
In my opinion, the deflection defense mechanism is not something we should immediately view as an obstacle. Like many defense mechanisms, it likely developed for reasons that once made sense, even if those reasons are no longer serving us today.
Rather than viewing deflection as something we need to fight against, perhaps we can begin viewing it as information.
Information about where our attention naturally goes.
Information about what feels psychologically threatening.
Information about the parts of ourselves that may still be asking to be understood.
Healing rarely begins by forcing ourselves to stop looking away.
More often, it begins by becoming curious enough to notice where our attention goes… and gently allowing ourselves to remain present just a little longer.
I appreciate your curiosity with deflection. I look forward to your thoughts.
